Serial Killers and other fun stuff
As I approached the delicious Hebrew National hot dog stand on Asbury, I weigh a mere 180 pounds and a large appetite, I immediately smell the tempting hotdogs from the stand, then I make my way over to the stand and indulge in a warm hotdog on this crisp afternoon, I soon realize that I am not getting full eating these delicious treats, so I eat and eat until I get bored of the taste of hotdogs, which coincidently is the time I look down and figure out that I have somehow gained 50 pounds, which makes me want to go on a quick walk and start to head over to Sidelines which is a mere 200 yards away, which happens to take me almost 20 minutes to arrive there, I immediately head straight to the bar to purchase an ice cold Coors light and a family size dinner of hamburger and fries, which surprises me due to the large amount of food I can now consume and soon start swallowing all of the food put in front of me, which takes me only 15 minutes and I soon head out to my next destination to see what other trouble I can get into and soon arrive at the bookstore, which took a lot longer than I thought since I gained another 30 pounds since I started my journey and have now found myself in the snack section of the bookstore, where I soon start ripping open and eating packages of corn nuts, beef jerkey, Pringles, slim jim, peanuts, and top ramen, which I soon realize that I have not even paid for yet, so I head over to the checkout line with all of my empty wrappers of food and pay, where the cashier gives me a dirty look like I’m some fatass or something, then I walk out of the bookstore weighing a mere 360 pounds and attempt to head over to Nelson Hall for a nice lunch at the dining hall, which proves to be a very difficult task with my ass dragging on the ground the whole way, I finally arrive right in time for the doors to open to the buffet, which looks like heaven in my newly food obsessed eyes and proves to be difficult to figure out which food group to start with, and then immediately load up two trays with everything in sight which takes me seven trips back to the buffet to finally get full, which then leads me to my last spot across campus at Bruegers Bagels, but I know I will not be walking there since that would come up with a plan to make someone drive me over there, and as I put my plan in action, I head to the crosswalk to wait for a driver to come to the crosswalk and stop for me to cross and as I cross I proceed to fall over on purpose and roll around like a beached whale, which puts my plan in action by making the driver come and help me up and feel so bad for me that they would drive me to the bagel shop; As I entered the bagel store I am overfilled with joy by the amount of fresh food I see in front of me and proceed to the counter to place my order which just happens to be three dozen bagels, six cans of cream cheese and one cookie, which makes me think to myself about how much self control I really have because I only ordered one cookie, then proceed to eat my food which takes about an hour and then head out of the bagel store to walk one block to my home which happens to have an elevator which makes me so happy because I now weigh 460 pounds and would never make it up the stairs but I don’t worry about my weight because I will just hit the gym tomorrow. Years later, I have worked my way back to my original weight by working out and eating better which makes me happy because that fateful day where I gained hundreds of pounds will stick around in my memory for as long as I live.